A lot depends on the circumstances of him leaving his family and whether he is to be totally accountable for his actions. Usually, the parent leaving gets vilified and the children are brought up under the reasons for the abandonment from one side. A mother tends to keep the children while the man must start a completely new life. This means neglecting parts of the old life while establishing new relationships.

Fathers miss their children too and the pain of separation is so great it is difficult to hold onto them while marching forward. You could write him a letter pouring out your thoughts and feelings and wait for his reply. You might find common ground to build on but take it slowly one small step at a time. Resist the temptation to point blame in his direction until you fully understand and process the circumstances behind the abandonment.

You might discover how bitterly he regrets his former choices by opening positive dialog and working towards a positive solution-based approach for your futures. To do this the past needs to be left behind and may get easier with future bonding efforts. Your Dad needs to acknowledge your pain and you his actions at the time. You may find you do love your dad and he love you, but life circumstances have prevented him expressing his love (lack of proximity).

Make a new agreement with yourself to always stay connected to Spirit even when it seems to be the most difficult thing to do. If you do this, you will allow whatever degree of perfect harmony that your body was designed for to proliferate. Turn your hurts over to God and allow Spirit to flow through you.

Whenever you’re upset over the conduct of others, take the focus off those you’re holding responsible for your inner distress. Shift your mental energy to allowing yourself to be with whatever you’re feeling — let the experience be as it may, without blaming others for your feelings. Don’t blame yourself either! Just allow the experience to unfold and tell yourself that no one has the power to make you uneasy without your consent, and that you’re unwilling to grant that authority to this person right now.

Tell yourself that you are willing to freely experience your emotions without calling them “wrong” or needing to chase them away. In this way, you’ve made a shift to self-mastery. It’s important to bypass blame, and even to bypass your desire to understand the other person; instead, focus on understanding yourself.

Avoid thoughts and activities that involve telling people who are perfectly capable of making their own choices what to do. In your family, remember that you do not own anyone.

Removing blame means never assigning responsibility to anyone else for what you’re experiencing. It means that you’re willing to say, “I may not understand why I feel this way, why I have this illness, why I’ve been victimized, or why I had this accident, but I’m willing to say without any guilt or resentment that I own it. I live with, and I am responsible for, having it in my life.”

Versuasion Pakistan – Fareeha Robert