Love can inspire transcendence and a yearning to melt with your partner profoundly. However, that longing can quickly slip into overwhelming neediness if you begin to prioritize the relationship above all else.

Clinginess is an act of resisting separation by holding tight or grasping onto something. In romantic relationships, the term is often used to describe someone who needs reassurance from their partners in a heavy-handed, frenzied, or even compulsive manner. It often looks like someone who asks for repeated promises in the relationship, yet even after their partner goes out of their way to demonstrate their love and commitment, the “clingy” person remains skeptical of how the other person is really feeling. “The person is experiencing fear and anxiety that is attached to a belief they won’t get their needs met, so they cling even harder to a person or situation to prevent the risk of this happening.”

Clinginess often gets a bad rap, but oftentimes, people who are exhibiting clingy behavior may not be aware of how they’re coming off. The terror of abandonment overrides their ability to stay cool since they are more focused on soothing their insecurities. Patterns will commonly manifest in behaviors such as incessantly texting your S.O. throughout the day to check in, excessively monitoring their social media accounts to see what they’re up to, and making early effusive professions of love (which may ring hollow in certain moments) to secure a closer connection.

How to stop being clingy in a relationship.

Learn to manage your anxiety on your own.

The first step is awareness and admitting you might be perpetuating these patterns. It can be uncomfortable to examine your insecurities, but it is an important step so you can start to nourish your relationship with yourself to achieve proper balance and manage your anxiety on your own.

For strategies to work through the anxiety, I recommend surrounding yourself with people who are securely attached. Get comfortable asking for what you need in relationships. Believe your partner when they reassure you. It’s OK to need reassurance from others, but learn to give yourself reassurance too.

Include your partner in the process.

It could also be helpful to include your partner into your processing so you can get their perspective and work on recreating the relationship together. Ask them how they are understanding and experiencing your behavior. Partners are able to provide invaluable observations to a problem that you may not be able to see.

Take small risks to build trust.

Start with low-risk situations, and build from there. It also helps to state to your partner that you are worried about the reaction if you express a need. Vulnerability goes a long way in relationships and has the potential to heal anxious attachments. The right person will want to make you feel emotionally safe in a relationship.

If you’ve ever experienced a clinging partner, it’s likely that despite your best efforts, you weren’t able to address their fears without losing yourself. When the relationship is going through rocky extremes, it’s essential to recalibrate and work on containing yourself.

Having a talk with your partner and naming specific boundaries will help develop interdependence in the relationship. It’s good to remember to be empathetic to your partner during these conversations. Their clinginess doesn’t sum up the entirety of who they are—they just need some help anchoring back to their own sense of self.

Versuasion Pakistan – Fareeha Robert