To be clear, sexual orientation is not a choice, it is how we are born, just like the colour of our skin or eyes, we had no control over it.  A huge difference between being asexual and someone who doesn’t have sex is that being celibate is a choice and sexual orientation is not. Asexuality is complex and doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone, some might be repulsed by sex, others might experience romantic attraction and others can be indifferent entirely.

1. Accept and Seek Understanding

This means both parties need to show empathy and support for these differences. It’s probably very difficult to be with someone who might not be sexually attracted to you the way you would like. It’s important to note that denial won’t change your partner’s sexuality and when acceptance comes, you’ll be more willing to put forth the effort to understand. The most important way to understand is to just ask, figure out what it means for them to be asexual. Everyone experiences their sexuality differently, so don’t try and put them in a box. 

2. Change your Mindset

In this type of partnership, validation cannot be placed with the physical act of having sex. Self-esteem can become destroyed because one partner believes if they don’t have sex, they’re not needed or valued in the relationship. Be aware of other contributors to a healthy relationship and thrive on those. 

3. Acknowledge that Their Sexuality isn’t a Personal Jab at You

Your partners’ lack of sexual desire has nothing to do with the way you look or dress or if you do have sex how pleasurable it is. Your partner is asexual because they are asexual and there’s nothing you can do to change that. The society we live in places so much value on our sex appeal that we often miss out on other opportunities to connect with our partner not based on sex. Other forms of attraction can become the stronghold of your relationship like being intellectually or romantically attracted to you.

4. Communicate about Needs and Boundaries

While you need to respect your partners’ sexuality, as a non-asexual it is also imperative you are able to discuss your needs in the relationship. The goal is to find a middle ground. It’s important to check in with each other and talk about if others’ needs are getting met or not while staying within the confines of healthy boundaries. 

5. Find other Ways of Intimacy

It’s important to note that there are other ways to bring upon closeness aside from sexual intercourse. People who are asexual- just like anyone else- still have individual needs and desires. Discuss these needs together, potentially your partner enjoys kissing or cuddles or receiving or giving massages (with no expectations). Any relationship could benefit from taking some time to gaze into each other’s eyes, sharing your gratitude towards each other, just finding those simple moments to connect. 

Versuasion Pakistan – Fareeha Robert